By Lenny Leo
 
I did my usual morning after Origin thing today and bought all the different newspapers – a Courier-Mail, a Daily Telegraph and The Australian.
 
I love dissecting the media comments the day after – sorting through all the spin as the coaches try to re-align the perceptions of how their team went.
 
One common theme this morning seems to be that the Blues reckon they went all right to get back into the game and it will give them confidence that they can match it with the superstar Queenslanders.
 
It’s true, they did get back into the game, but did they really get as close as they are trying to convince us they did?
 
In a word, no.
 
Just look at the NSW tries. They can bleat all they want about how the Hayne non-try should have been given, but when you look at the replay, it looks like he stood on the line.  Pretty clear cut there.  
 
And if you take into account the first NSW try was from a pass that travelled about five metres forward, they can’t really complain.
 
Obviously the video ref cannot rule on a forward pass, but they could have just referred it back to Ref’s Call. Then the forward pass is ruled and it’s a no try. You got lucky there Blues.
 
There is of course the ‘momentum’ argument, that they went off the boil after the no try. But you can’t blame the ref for your team not putting in. You gotta get back up on that horse, boys.
 
As for the Blues’ other tries, they were both from lucky kick deflections off defenders that fell into the path of a Blue jersey.
 
So there was one non-try, one should-not-have-been-a-try and two lucky deflections. Bellyache can spin that all he wants, but the fact is NSW were very lucky to get as close as they did.
 
Queensland knows it had this game in the bag, but didn’t quite land the killer blow. They will be looking to blow the Blues off the park when the series moves to Sydney.
 
NSW may take some sort of encouragement from their performance, but it is all an illusion.
 
If they get carried away and believe their own press in the lead-up to game two, they are gonna get squashed like cockroaches.  Again.

 By Eddie Taurus

Pure unadulterated viewing pleasure doesn’t come along all that often in the world of football.

But what a delight it was to watch the usually all-powerful Manchester United machine completely outclassed this morning in the UEFA Champions League final against Barcelona in Rome.

The sublime Barca outfit, led by the superb Argentinean master midfielder Lionel Messi, dominated the Red Devils like no other team in recent memory has.

And this wasn’t Manchester United B either, this was their top team – complete with Ronaldo, Rooney, Giggs, Tevez, Ferdinand, Vidic and Berbatov. Heck, Sir Alex even threw club legend Paul Scholes on late in the second half when the match was all but gone.

What was so compelling about this final, was to see Barcelona seemingly toy with Man U at will.   

Their passing game was outstanding to the point that you really couldn’t see how Man U was ever going to get the ball off them – let alone score a goal.

To be fair Man U came out firing early and Cristiano Ronaldo was looking ominous, but a sharp low toe poke goal from Samuel Eto’o that beat Edwin van der Sar at the near post after 10 minutes swung the momentum back to the Catalan side.

And they never relinquished it.  In fact, from that moment on they were completely dominant.

Another beautiful header from the irrepressible man of the moment Messi in the second half sealed it.

This young man may well be the greatest player in the game today.

While Ronaldo also has exquisite ball skills, unrivalled finishing ability and is more physically dominant than Messi, the Argentinean’s skill, vision, speed, guile and passing game make him the complete footballing package.

Every time he received the ball he had Manchester United on the back foot – something rarely witnessed in the football world.

For long-suffering fans of every other football club in England besides the vanquished Red Devils, this must have been an occasion to truly savour.

Barcelona Felicidades!

FOOTNOTE: And while we’re at it, wasn’t it nice to see Thierry Henry finally capture Europeans football’s biggest prize?…Ironically while playing for Barcelona – the very side that denied him UCL glory when he was at Arsenal in 2006.

By Eddie Taurus

Rugby league players are disgracing themselves again. Hardly surprising really. It seems these powerful “role models” just can’t ever seem to work out how to do the right thing.

And once again the league and club bosses are predictably in damage control mode trying to hose down the flames as the new season is about to start.

It’s seemingly now a never-ending cycle…one alcohol-fuelled disgrace after another after another…Ad nauseam.

How did things ever get to this point? Are rugby league players just misunderstood? Are they being unfairly harassed by crazy fans and the evil media at every public bar, toilet cubicle and apartment stairwell? 

Or are they just being themselves, as they always have been and always will be?

I can assure you, it is very definitely the latter. And I can assure you that rugby league players have always been this way, from the day the very first scrum was packed.

The only differences now is that the media loves to report about it.

I could tell you some stories from rugby league dressing rooms over the years that would make you burn your eardrums out with a hot metal rod just so you’d never have to hear them again.

In the old days, dressing room and clubhouse antics were always kept quiet. Blokes were blokes. They played footy on the weekend, partied hard afterwards and then went back to work on Monday -  provided they still had use of all their limbs.

So how did we ever get to this point – where alcohol binges and sex assaults are front and back page news, where CEOs are constantly defending the indefensible and where multi-million advertising campaigns are canned overnight because the poster boys allegedly do something stupid?

I’ll tell you how. The real problem is that somewhere along the way, as the game entered the era of full-time professionalism and players gained more free time, endorsement deals and disposable income,  the media and marketing consultants that make a living out of bleeding sporting organisations dry decided that footballers should be known as “role models”.

“It’ll be great for our business model”, they said, “it’ll increase their value to sponsors and the media and give us more clout to get more government funding. They’ll be the perfect role models for all the fat little kids and great role models for society” … my God… hang on a moment while I throw up.

In what possible #%$*&# warped world view are these clowns anything approaching role models???

Fred Hollows was a role model. Sir Edmund Hillary was a role model. Nelson Mandela IS a role model.

But a football player? F#@* off. Role model for what?

Not bothering to finish school, pumping weights in the gym all day and chasing girls at nightclubs?

Have a think about what they actually do? Run around a field tackling each other in the mad pursuit of a football. That’s it. That’s their contribution to society. They are not finding cures to deadly diseases, they are not pulling people out of burning houses and they are not disarming land mines in third-world war zones.

Sure, rugby league can be great entertainment and I love watching it, but that doesn’t make the players role models.

Michael Jackson is a great entertainer. He’s no damn role model. Not even close.

And it’s the same with football players. They are not role models. They are entertainers.

Personally I don’t want to know about their personal lives, hear them speak or see them doing anything away from the football field.

I don’t even want to read anything about them in the papers except for who is out injured and who is playing in next week’s game.

The solution to all of this is simple. The media, which is so easily morally outraged at the ongoing problems relating to the public behaviour of footballers, can stop this problem right here and right now.

Just stop publicising what they do when they hit the town. Stop telling us what pubs they frequent and what they like to do in their copious amount of spare time. And for the Good Lord’s sake please stop putting them on the Footy Show so ex-players can keep telling them how special and amazing they are.

They are not. They are nothing more that entertainment. Although if they keep playing up like they have been in recent times, no one is going to keep watching.

By Eddie Taurus

So Tim Sheens has officially been handed the reins to the Australian Kangaroos – formally the most formidable rugby league team in the sport’s 100-year history.

Sheens, a winner of four premierships, takes over from Cronulla’s Ricky Stuart, who was forced out following a public spat over the refereeing of last year’s Rugby League World Cup final.

For those who missed it, the red hot-favourite Aussies were humbled 34-20 in the tournament final at Suncorp Stadium in Brisbane by a rampant New Zealand outfit.

After the match, most Aussie supporters were furious with the refereeing performance of whistle blower Ashley Klein.

However, numerous experts – including the King Wally Lewis – subsequently told Sportsrag.com.au that they didn’t see too much wrong with the adjudicating and that the better team had won on the night.

Of course, that didn’t stop Stuart from ‘giving it’ to Klein outside a Brisbane hotel the morning after the final.

The fact that Ricky said what a lot of supporters thought didn’t stop him getting punished for it.

Which is a real shame in my book. 

For, as much as I couldn’t stand Ricky when he was running around in a lime green or sky blue jersey – and indeed when he was wearing the green and gold version that should have been on Alfie Langer’s back – I reckon he’s the best thing to happen to rugby league coaching in a long time.

Nothing against Sheens – who has produced some beautiful attacking football teams over the years in the Canberra Raiders (premierships in 1989, 1990 and 1994) and the Wests Tigers (premiership in 2005) – but he’s a grey man compared to the furious red and orange aura surrounding “Sticky” Stuart.

When Stuart’s at the helm, you know he bleeds with the team, suffers every setback as if it’s a knife wound to the groin and is brim full of passion and respect for the jersey and its history.

A perfect case in point is the news this week of the Cronulla Sharks tearing up the NRL contract of rugby union turncoat Fraser Anderson.

The 24-year-old Anderson had apparently signed a two-year deal with renowned Japanese rugby outfit Kobe (yeah neither have we) and expected to play half a season with the Sharks before toddling off overseas to join his new rugby team in July.

Well, in a beautiful Ricky-esque moment, Anderson was told to #$@*# off and sit in the grandstand when he turned up for training, before Stuart and Sharks’ CEO Tony Zappia tore his contract into tiny pieces and scattered it into the Cronulla sea breeze, never to be seen again.

Nice.

That’s why I love Ricky Stuart the coach. He gives everything he has for his team and club and rightly expects his players to give everything in return.

If they don’t, they can go and *$#@# off.

And in these times of the new age, greedy “what’s in it for me?” footballer, it’s a real breath of fresh air.

Let there be more of it.

By Rufus Güütz
 
All you Güütz-heads out there know old Rufus doesn’t really cop football (though I don’t call it soccer any more – I got the bloody message, ok?). Sure, Taurus and Fooled get me along to the games these days, but I’m not converted yet.
 
However, there is one man that strides the wogball fields who fills my heart with pride – with that warm, fuzzy sensation that usually only comes after 5 or 6 plastic cups of Castlemaine’s finest while watching front-rowers knock each other’s blocks off from the stands of Lang Park.
 
I speak of course…of Danny Tiatto. The Last of the Hack Merchants.
 
I was having a conversation with Ed Taurus the other day about hard men in sport. So yeah, my kinda topic. And it used to be that being a hardman and snappin’ blokes in half was your ticket to respect. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t sent the odd fullback for a public-funded taxi ride to Royal Brisbane.
 
That’s one reason why a lot of people don’t like the roundball game. Too many bloody cheating Italians or Brazilians falling over and rolling around on the ground if they get breathed on wrong. 
 
I can’t cop diving. Or ‘simulation’ as they call it now. Geez, even the words are getting soft and inoffensive these days. The hard men in sport used to be revered – like gods chiseled from granite stomping all over the faces of plastic pretty boys.
 
But now? We get metro ladyboys with a waxed chest and diamond earrings doing photo spreads for Poo Weekly. And no sport is more susceptible that football. There’s just no room for hard men any more. I’ll take a Vinnie Jones highlight reel over Cristiano Ronaldo any day.
 
When the A-League started up, people were telling me to look out for this bloke Kevin Muscat. “You’ll like him, Rufe,” they told me. “He takes guys out without a second thought.” Well, from what I’ve seen Kevin Muscat has been about as hard as my Aunt Ruby’s sago pudding.
 
When that promising young hulk Sasa Ognenovski took him out in the major semi a few weeks ago, I was waiting for the explosion. But it looked like they wanted to pash each other. So what happened to him? He saw the writing on the wall.
 
Hard men are not wanted in sport any more. For that matter, sport is not ‘sport’ any more. It is ‘branding’ and ‘business models’ and ‘entertainment’ and all that other crap. We’ve got to get the kiddies in you see, so how do we do that?
 
By not scaring off their mothers.
 
Danny Tiatto scares your mother. They see this man lunge in for a two-footed, tags-up leg-cruncher and say, “no way I’m letting little Johnny play that game”. And that undermines your ‘business model’.
 
So brave Danny is getting carded out of the game. No matter how much he protests that he “GOT THE F%#KIN’ BALL!” he’s being run out of town. And that will be a damn shame, cos it will open the flood gates for all the poxy little ‘simulators’ to pull of an inward two-and-a-half somersault with pike and bag themselves a penalty. And penalties are sooo much fun.
 
So make sure you tune in when Danny Tiatto makes his return to the Roar for the prelim final against Adelaide this week. It may be the last time you get to see a true artist paint the pitch red.

with Eddie Taurus

Greetings and Happy New Year to all of you Raggers out there.

Our sincere apologies for the dearth of sublime comment and witty reporting over the past few months, however, myself, and Messrs Leo and Guutz have been on a soul-searching trek through the Himalayas and surprisingly there just weren’t any computers around there amid all the Yak herders and crazy Shamans.

But now we’re back and ready to give it to you straight – and occasionally bent  (we know that’s how you like it, right?).

So what’s new?

Bagging the Greens

Well it seems that in just the few short months we were gone our cricket team has turned into a blubbering mess of weak-minded losers.

We couldn’t believe our eyes when we saw that not only had we LOST a Test Series to South Africa, but Graeme Smith was now Mr Popularity and getting standing bloody ovations from the SCG faithful…WTF? 

Now the “selectors”, who let’s face it were all pretty much journeymen cricketers in their own imagined heydays, are resting Ricky Ponting for his own good.

You don’t rest the captain. He’s either the first bloke picked, or he’s not picked at all.  If Punter isn’t doing the business anymore then it’s time to turn Pup into the Leader of the Pack.  End of Story.

If you had’ve tried to rest Steve Waugh he would have killed you before you’d even finished the sentence.

And what’s this I hear of Roy Symonds getting left out of the side because he’s been on the drink too much? Are you f##ing kidding me..? If that was a reason to drop a player then Boony, Warney, Dougie Walters – hell most of our all-time legends would never have got a game.

Fed Express derailed

On the subject of unthinkable falls from the top, it was heartbreaking to see Roger Federer in tears after being worn down by the awesome Rafa Nadal in the Australian Open final at the weekend.

But what was supremely uplifting was the superb display of respect and sportsmanship shown by two true champions at the top of their games.

It highlighted just how pathetic many modern sportsmen have become, with greedy selfish show ponies and drunken thugs now seemingly filling the sports pages on a regular basis.

The match and presentation ceremony should be compulsory viewing for sportsmen and women from all other codes.

A League bounces back

After a quiet start, it has been very pleasing to see that some spice has come back to the A League as we near the finals series.

Adelaide United even made front page news in the highly respected Bhutan Yak & Mule Times with their glorious run to the Asian Champions League Final. Yep, they really love old Aurelio over in Bhutan now.  He’ll be doing shampoo commercials there soon.

Even more exciting is the addition of two new teams on the Gold Coast and in Townsville, which will add some extra interest and ensure some cracking Queensland derbies next season.

We can’t wait to see the sparks fly when Bleiberg and Farina ”shake” hands for the first time.

It is also brilliant to see the likes of Jason Culina (GC United) and hopefully Robbie Fowler (NQ Fury) joining the league.

On the down side, what the hell are we going to do without Kossie? Who is going to smash prats like Kevin Muscat or Danny Allsop in the gob when they get out of line from now on?

And, more importantly, who is going to tell those arrogant little sh*ts on Football Superstar just how far they have to go to be REAL footballers?

The comedown he had to have

Surpirse, surprise, Money Bill Williams breaks his leg, hardly plays a game for his rich new French rugby club and is already being maligned by the club owner and fans.

We could have told you so you w#nkers.  But don’t bother sending him back – we don’t want him either.

Phelps under fire

My gosh, Michael Phelps sucks down a cone or two in his off season and this is considered newsworthy?

Give me a break! You’d be sucking down bongs too if you had to stare at a black bloody line at the bottom of a pool for 50 hours a week.

Gridiron our new national sport?

Wow an Aussie made the Superbowl..ooh big bloody deal.  I couldn’t believe the amount of media coverage this story got.  No one cared about that stupid sport before the game and still no one cares about it after the game.

Hell, the Yanks didn’t even know there was an Aussie in there so please, all of you “news” websites and commercial TV stations, stop ramming this sh*t down our throat. We don’t care.

Anyway,  I guess I can’t put off mowing the backyard any longer, especially if I plan to watch Izzy and the rest of the Broncs training from over the back fence this week.

Plus, I gotta set up the secret Esky under the fence in case Hogdo and K and the boys are a bit thirsty between weight sessions.

 Til next time.

By Gil Fooled

In-demand Queensland Origin coach Mal Meninga has been rewarded for the Maroons’ Origin dominance with an unprecedented quartet of coaching appointments.
 
It was announced today that as well as adding the Kangaroos coaching job to his QLD responsibilities in 2009, Big Mal will also be asked to coach the New South Wales Origin team.
 
And in a stunning coaching coup, Meninga will also take the reins of his beloved Canberra Raiders in the NRL every week.
 
Speaking in between going from his day job running a fruit market to his night job driving a taxi in Brisbane, Meninga said he believed he could coach all four teams at once. 
 
“Initially, I didn’t think I would be able to coach both the Maroons and the Kangaroos,” Meninga said.
 
“But the more I thought about it, I realised I could do it if I managed my time well.
 
“Then it was a pretty simple choice to coach the Blues as well, seing as how both teams play on the same night – you’re right there.
 
“But I will admit, it was a pretty big shock to get the call from the NSWRL board to coach the Blues next year.
 
“I do regret calling all New South Welshmen pus-dripping retards at that press conference last year, and it seems they NSWRL has forgiven me.
 
“I think they were worried that I would be biased towards Queenslanders in Australian selections, so the best way around it was for me to coach the Blues as well. That, and Craig Bellamy was crap.
 
“And to be honest we stole Greg Inglis from NSW, so it is only fair we give something back.
 
“As for the Raiders job – hey, I’ve still go a big soft spot for the boys and since they lost Neil Henry I figured, why the hell not? “
 
It is believed that if Big Mal can successfully coach all four teams in 2009 he will be asked to captain-coach the Queensland Roar in the off season.

By Lenny Leo
 
We decided to give them one last chance.
 
Despite their dismal record at Suncorp Stadium over the past four years, Eddie Taurus and I fronted up to the Sportsrag.com.au corporate box on the weekend to see if the Queensland Roar had it in them to actually score a few goals in front of their fans.
 
After all, we couldn’t let those Crownies and crab cakes go to waste, could we?
 
So we took our seats in the box with all the talk around us of The Roar’s wonderful form on the road. They’ve turned the corner, we heard people say. They’re finally going to put it together and get the crowds back. Their long-suffering home supporters will finally get to do that annoying chant: “We. Are. TopOfTheLeague. WeAreTopOfTheLeague.”
 
By full time, I was wishing the A-league teams had cheer girls, cos I really found very little on-field action to look at. 
 
I’m sorry to say it, but the Roar have lost me. We have all been intrigued for four years, and willing to give them the benefit of the doubt after their shaky start in the first two seasons.
 
It seems last year’s great performance to come within a game of the grand final really was the fluke we all suspected.
 
My esteemed colleague Mr Taurus made a great comment to me as we watched Sergio van Dijk lazily refuse to chase yet another ball. Who can we actually blame for this?
 
Club management for poor recruiting? Coach Farina for sticking with under-performing players? The players themselves for not seeming to want it enough?
 
It was a great question and I really didn’t have an answer.
 
What can the Roar do about this? The hard core fans will always be there, but with the sporting market in Brisbane so saturated with options, the casual fans just won’t bother any more.
 
Not to mention the fact that families don’t have much dosh to throw around these days. Where do you think the kids will be bugging dad to go – to the rugby league where the losing team can still score 20 points, or to watch the Roar blunder through 90 minutes of scoreless, excruciating ineptitude?
 
As we walked to the Normanby for a frank and pint-fuelled post-game analysis it became clear that unfortunately, it seems to Roar have to bite the bullet and completely rebrand.
 
Ditch the name, the strip, the coach, the management and the playing roster. Start from scratch, rebuild the good will that has been lost and recruit some decent bloody players. No more over-the-hill journeymen, ex-Socceroos and second-division hacks looking for an Aussie holiday.
 
BUY A DECENT STRIKER. Or two. Get rid of that RIDICULOUS orange and maroon strip. GET A PROPER COACH because it is obvious Farina does not inspire the players. Is it too much to ask for a striker to actually try and beat his man and take a shot?
 
Oh, and you might as well get some cheer girls for the rest of the season, cos otherwise, I ain’t coming back.

Comment by Eddie Taurus

Hundreds of thousands of drunken yobbos and binge-drinking Gen Y show ponies will swarm Australia’s race tracks today on the pretence that they are ultra-fashionable horse racing fans.

At the same time in offices across the nation, glammed-up tarts and shaggy haired wankers in cheap suits will waste hours of work time as they buy into the myth of the so-called “race that stops a nation”.

The fact that only a couple of million people out of Australia’s 20-million-plus  population actually watches the race doesn’t seem to stop the media from flooding the presses and airwaves with horse racing news and trivia and tips for days on end.

Indeed, people that wouldn’t know a furlong from a fetlock are instantly transformed into serious thoroughbred experts that seemingly can’t wait to hand over their hard-earned cash to a bookmaker or TAB operator. 

We here at Sportsrag.com.au certainly don’t mind a lazy day and a few schooners in the betting ring at Eagle Farm or Randwick or Gatton from time to time, but we flat out refuse to conform to the new-age punter stereotype (read pathetic 20-somethings who are just there to get blotto) that now prevails on major race days.

We do understand that many race clubs may be struggling and have targeted Gen Y social junkies as a new source of revenue to keep them afloat, but this strategy has only succeeded in taking the heart and soul out of the traditional Aussie racing experience.

It’s certainly no place for a family outing these days, unless you enjoy constantly bumping into incoherently drunk tradies wearing polyester suits or imbecilic Paris Hilton wannabies sporting heels they don’t even know how to walk in properly.

It’s a bloody joke.

So we say all of you once-a-year experts can keep your famous Flemington vomit factory all to yourselves.

And enjoy your hangover.

By Gil Fooled

As usual, there were plenty of sweet, sweet highs and despicably bitter lows in the world of sport over the weekend, but out of all the busted-a$$ losers we saw run around, just who did suck the most?

Let’s take a look at some of the candidates.

ENGLAND – RUGBY LEAGUE WORLD CUP

Promised a bruising and energetic test of the world champion Aussies and delivered a garbage performance that would have seen them concede 40 against even the Kumuls. Travel about as well as the Indian cricket team and whinge almost as much.

ENGLAND IN THE 20-20 CRICKET

England’s cricketers, who have proven their ability to suck hard time after time after time, outdid even themselves on the weekend by getting annihilated by a modest West Indies selection in a $20 million winner-take-all 20-20 match. With the chance to become instant millionaires on the line, the Poms couldn’t event scratch together 100 runs when it counted.

WALLABIES IN THE HONG KONG BLEDISLOE

The Wallabies are in danger of becoming the Washington Generals to the All Blacks’ Harlem Globetrotters as the men in gold once again raced out in front in a Bledisloe Test only to be run down in the second half by the referee-assisted Kiwi juggernaut. Will someone please get our forward pack some decent steroids…? 

INDIA IN THE TEST CRICKET

India’s cricketers – they whinge, they sulk, they lie, they racially vilify and they tamper with the ball – ‘nuff said.

AUSTRALIA IN THE TEST CRICKET

Australia ‘s spluttering cricket team – defensive captaincy, rubbish bowling and spineless batting does not a world champion side make.